


Insomniac

by honeystixx



Series: university au [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Canon, Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Loves Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, F/M, Jealous Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, Marichat, Mutual Pining, Protective Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir, adrienette - Freeform, and boy is it going to be stuffy, and it's my au i make the rules, and now they're 20, apartment lyf bro, basically just a sitcom, canon events happen/happened differently, french college life-freeform, french university in general-freeform, haha oh yeah featuring my art because i redesigned everyone since they're older, i hate tagging just know stuff happens, im using my artistic license here, it was an accident i swear, kinda going to be americanized whoops, literally i have a thousand headcanons, no beta reader we die like men, they got their miraculous when they were 16
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:26:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21828937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeystixx/pseuds/honeystixx
Summary: Marinette has a hard enough time not falling asleep in class, does she really need Chat Noir to make it worse?
Relationships: Adrien Agreste | Chat Noir/Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug, Alya Césaire/Nino Lahiffe, a lot of other ones, if they become important enough ill tag them later
Series: university au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1572928
Kudos: 66





	1. Milk and Cookies

**Author's Note:**

> This is really just going to be self indulgent University AU and I'm trying to get back into writing again by writing this. Also the characters have been redesigned due to being older and them being older when they got their miraculous (and because I wanted to hehe). Hence the random quick drawings at the end. I'll include other redesigns within the next chapters!! Feel free to ignore them if you hate them though.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette is afraid of ghosts and Chat is afraid of falling asleep.

Marinette was afraid of ghosts. Every night, she stared into dark oblivion as she sat on her bed with her legs curled to her chest. Saying she was fearful of the dark was probably a more accurate statement, finding the darkness around her to be just as threatening as something supernatural. And as a light sleeper, it had taken her a long time to get used to Tikki rustling around in the night when she first got her. For every night after, she ended up the same way, her legs pulled into her chest, eyes glued to anywhere she heard noise coming from. However, it had been a long time since Marinette was sixteen and a new heroine, and she had become much more accustomed to Tikki’s antics at two am. This time, however, it was different. Tikki was curled up next to where Marinette’s head used to be, fast asleep. Marinette was sure that this noise was from a ghost. 

Slowly climbing out of her cocoon of warmth, Marinette crawled onto the soft carpeting of her apartment’s bedroom. Absently, her hands reached for her yo-yo, jumping when her hand touched the soft t-shirt that barely covered her hips. Since she wasn’t transformed, her yo-yo didn’t exist, and she needed to find a new weapon. Something absolutely threatening. Regretfully, she couldn’t transform without potentially outing her identity as Ladybug to her best roommate, Alya, in the off chance that she was also awake. Luckily for Marinette, Alya tended to be a much heavier sleeper than she was. If she could handle the poltergeist on her own, she wouldn’t have to worry about Alya freaking out as well.

There was another soft thud from the kitchen, followed by a small yelp. Marinette’s eyes widened, her body stiffening. Could Ghosts talk? She forgot about finding a weapon and yanked open her door, coming face to face with the ghostly intruder. 

“Look who the cat dragged in,” the ghost laughed and then abruptly stopped, eyes enlarged, “Oh shit, did I wake you up?” 

Marinette’s eyes drifted to the voice and found a stray cat leaning into her fridge, his tail swaying while a hand rubbed the back of his head. It was hard to make out the details of his defined face or messy blond hair, the only thing illuminating his features being the bright light radiating from inside the fridge. “Chat?” She gasped, her eyebrows furrowing. This wasn’t the first time Chat Noir had showed up in her apartment to talk to her uninvited, really it happened quite frequently since the Evillustrator incident with her barely ex, ex-boyfriend. She felt more guilty than angry about that, seeing as she basically used the poor redhead to get over her crush on Adrien. She put all the blame she could on Alya, seeing as it _was_ her idea. And, like many of their plans surrounding the golden supermodel, it failed miserably. “Chat,” she stated, crossing her arms over her chest, causing the front of her shirt to show the bottom of her handmade underwear. Chat immediately noticed the black lace.

A blush crossed her cheeks as her hands threw themselves down to the edge of the shirt, pulling it down more. If she had known it was Chat and not some ghost, she would’ve had the decency to put pants on. Chat’s green eyes followed her hands back down, his own face blushing at the sight of her. He looked her over once, and then twice, and then another time- He quickly looked away from her, face bright red. “Do you usually greet intruders half-naked,” He mumbled, and despite his wishes, she definitely heard him. Regretfully, Chat wasn’t sure if he could blame this one on Plagg’s lousy luck.

“Are you serious?” She walked over to him and grabbed his hand, leading him back into her room. As long as he was behind her, he couldn’t see how red her face was. Oh my god, she didn’t want him _behind_ her either. She quickly spun around and pulled the edge of her t-shirt down in the back. “No, I don’t just walk around like this! I thought you were a ghost, you-“She stared at his free hand, “Stole a cookie?”

With a Cheshire grin, he shook his prize in the air. Before Marinette could say more, he shoved the rest of it into his mouth. She held back a giggle, trying to remind herself that she was mad about this interaction. “You broke into my house for a cookie? That I made like four days ago?”

By the time Chat finished chewing, Marinette had led him into her room and gently shut the door, guaranteeing that Alya wouldn’t hear the exchange. The last thing she needed was Alya asking her why a superhero was in their apartment. “Princess, your cookies are the cat’s meow,” he shot her finger guns. Marinette groaned. “You fell asleep when I got here, so I just thought I’d take the cookie and run. But then I wanted something to drink because I was so _pawrched,_ ” He laughed. She cringed. 

“That one was bad,” Marinette rubbed her eyes with balled fists and sat down on her bed. Chat’s eyes stayed glued on her, a soft smile replacing the grin. She was as cute as ever, even at two am when he broke into her apartment, and she had every right to beat him until the sun rose. And in a stroke of his own, rather rare, good luck, Marinette was just glad it was him instead of a ghost or a robber. Chat flipped on the light, letting the soft warmth spread throughout her small bedroom. The way he moved to sit on the edge of her bed made her wonder if him waking her up was really an accident.

He slowly slid up on her bed, inching so he was closer to her, but just far enough away to where he could cross his legs without hitting her in the process. “But now that you’re awake,” he smiled gently and clasped his clawed hands in his lap, “Can I talk to you about something?” 

Marinette furrowed her eyebrows, and a small frown found its way onto her already pouty lips. Her heart hurt ever so slightly, and she began to wonder if she did something wrong, or worse, there was something wrong with him. “You always can, kitty. You know that.”

“Right,” he mumbled, glancing into the distance. His eyes focused on elsewhere for a moment, hovering on Marinette’s jewelry box. Marinette feigned ignorance with a smile as green eyes met blue once again. Chat’s eyes stared into hers as if looking for an answer to a question he was forbidden to ask. One that made a shiver run down the edge of her spine. She refused to question it, something telling her that it wasn’t a conversation she wanted to have. Sensing her anxiety, Chat’s faux cat ear twitched and he grabbed Marinette’s hands, clasping them in his own. “What’s the name of the boy you’re in love with?” The words poured out of his mouth, a replacement for the question before. Chat’s cheeks reddened as if he couldn’t believe he had asked his own question. It was one of many that Chat had toyed with asking, but it wasn’t like the one before. This question didn’t make Marinette shiver; it made her heat up. 

Her face was bright red. It would’ve been impossible for anything to be redder than Marinette’s freckled cheeks at this exact moment. No redder hair, no redder paint, no redder superhero suit. At this point, if she had been transformed, she would have entirely blended in. “What?” She could barely squeak out. Chat had to lean forward slightly to hear, and even then, he just assumed that’s what she said. He gulped, knowing that the topic of Marinette’s loverboy was a sensitive one, one that they only talked about whenever she brought it up. She refused to mention his name in case he knew him out of his suit and had a difficult time even talking about him for long without eventually getting sad at how hopeless her love life felt. 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he quickly added, “I don’t know why I asked that.” Chat forced a laugh, desperate to make sure she wasn’t upset with him. There was something in his eyes that pled Marinette to stay, but she knew she wasn’t going anywhere, no matter how embarrassed he made her. Even though it was a bit much, and right now, she was drowning in her own embarrassment. Despite his fear of her being upset with him for asking, he knew exactly why he had asked. He wanted an answer. He so badly wanted to know who it was that Marinette loved. And although he knew it wasn’t him, and that the answer would hurt, having to over-analyze every interaction Marinette had was driving him crazy. She was so loving with everyone that it made it difficult for him to see who she behaved differently around. As Adrien, he had known Marinette since they began their première year of lycée (and he gained Plagg a few weeks after). Sometimes he wondered if the boy she loved had been around for longer than he had. That idea hurt a bit more, especially considering he felt like she loathed him for the first few months. She struggled to be comfortable and talk to him without stuttering for what felt like years too. Now, onto their third year of college, he felt like they moved past all of that. At times, however, it still felt like she was so nervous around him. Adrien felt like she was afraid of him. 

Around Chat Noir, Marinette was entirely herself. She was brave and witty and still so caring. Chat Noir felt like a stray who was taken in by her. He would come and go as he pleased, returning for food, warmth, and the most beautiful girl he had ever met. His mind would often drift elsewhere when he thought like this. Could they be the same person? He was almost sure of it. His heart couldn't belong to two people.

Marinette simply hummed, her eyes glancing down at their hands and then back at him. His eyes were gentle and half-lidded, never straying from her face, no matter how often she looked away. She loved the green of them. They reminded her of someone important, but it was difficult to recall who. It felt like something was keeping the memory away. A permanent fog.

They had sat in silence for a few breaths before Marinette remembered the question at hand. She reflexively went to take her hands away out of embarrassment, but he kept her from taking them. In turn, he held her hands tighter, as if scared that she would slip away, just like everyone else has. For every person he’s lost, his grip tightens. 

“It’s not that I don’t _want_ to tell you,” she stresses, glancing away from him again. She found it impossible to make eye-contact with him while talking about this. Marinette wished she could remember what it was about that particular green shade that embarrassed her so much. Suddenly, she was hyperaware of the way his leather gloves felt against her skin. “It’s just,” she trailed off. Why couldn’t she tell him? There was no real reason, besides ones based off her own anxiety. The fear of telling him and then him knowing Adrien in real life. It was scary. Or Chat might even make fun of her for it, since her crush was a celebrity. Adrien could have anyone in Paris, why would he want a baker’s daughter? He never dated anyways, well, not after his short fling with Kagami. She frowned at the memory. 

It had been during their terminale year of lycée, and right before graduation, Adrien had gone on a few dates with her. And the entire time, Marinette felt as if her heart was being juiced into a fresh glass of please-help-I’ m-so-sad juice. Narrowly avoiding being akumatized was hard enough as it was, but even just watching them be near each other was worse. Even if they never engaged in PDA, just the knowledge of them going on a date at all crushed her spirit. But, for whatever reason, after a party at Chloe’s house, they stopped going on dates entirely. In fact, he pretended like it never happened at all. 

After Kagami came out as a lesbian, figuring out what happened became easier, but Adrien still doesn’t like to talk about it. All anyone really knows is that something happened at the party.

A thumb gently rubbing the back of her hand pulled her out of her thoughts.

“It’s just what,” Chat asked, leaning in closer. She could feel his warmth now. 

“Just-“she trailed off as Chat leaned in more. His eyes glanced down at her lips. Immediately, nervous laughter bubbled out of her, and she shook her head, trying to keep him from noticing how red her face was, “Just can’t! You’ll make fun of me or-or you’ll know them, and then I’ll have to be worried about you telling them, and then I’ll know you know them, and it’ll make it easier to figure out your identity, I mean not that I _want_ to know, but not that I don’t want to know, I mean I want to know-“she gasped for air as Chat Noir blinked at her. He erupted in laughter, taking his hands away and using them to clutch his face. Marinette quickly put her own face into her hands, muffling her otherwise loud whine.

As if finally satisfied, Chat rubbed the top of Marinette’s head, ruffling her already messy hair. In turn, she immediately ran her hands through it, taming the wild strands. “You don’t have to tell me, princess. I shouldn’t have asked,” there was overcast in his usually sunny voice. She frowned, but his forced smile stayed. “I just always see you around, and I can never tell who it is that deserves to be loved so much by you. You’re lovely, Marinette. You treat everyone with the same loveliness, and it’s impossible to figure out who you’re pining for,” he laughed. Much quieter, he mumbled, “Sometimes, I wish your loveliness was just for me.” Chat forced another small laugh. Marinette pretended she didn’t hear him say anything, but the blush on her cheeks gave her away. She wasn’t sure what he meant by that. 

Clearing her throat, she looked at Chat from the corner of her eye. He stayed there, unwavering, his eyes staring at her with the softest look. There was a warmth there that she wasn’t used to seeing. “You know me out of costume?” She said, immediately regretting it. Even if right now she was Marinette and not Ladybug, she knew better than to ask questions or try to figure out his identity. That was for Chat Noir to know and share, not for Marinette to assume. But there would always be apart of her that was aching to know who he was. Although Marinette and Chat Noir were arguably as close as, if not closer than, Chat and Ladybug, she still felt like she was betraying his trust whenever they talked. Marinette allowed herself to be who she is as Marinette but held him at a distance as Ladybug. If he knew they were the same person, he would be hurt that she never told him. She was going to hurt him no matter what and that hurt worse than not knowing his identity. So, for now, Marinette put it off. She had grown to be more comfortable with the idea of him knowing who she is now that they’re older, but the same anxieties that used to plague her about her identity continued to. What if he was disappointed that it was her and not someone better? Sure, Chat and Marinette hung out a lot, but everyone loved and idolized Ladybug. Finding out she was just Marinette was sure to be disappointing for him. Marinette felt like he wanted more out of Ladybug that he would expect from Marinette. Over the years, she began to wonder if she was setting up herself for failure.

“And I love every second of it,” he smiled fondly, his voice so soft that his words were almost missed. Marinette’s face heated up, and before she could ask him more about it, like what he thought about her or how he did, he leaned in and brushed his lip against her cheek. “You know I can’t tell you who I am, though,” he smirked, “Catch ya’ later.” 

Chat opened her always unlocked window and fled into the Parisian night. Once he was out of sight, there was a small tap on her hands, and an even smaller creature crawled into them. “What was that, Marinette?” She said, her voice sweeter than her diet. 

“I don’t know,” Marinette mumbled back, her free hand caressing her kissed cheek. There was a moment of tension between the two before Tikki giggled and directed Marinette to try and go back to sleep. She wondered if there would be another ghost encounter.

* * *

From the other side of the window, Chat Noir detransformed in a flash of green light. And now, he was walking back to his apartment as Adrien. Unluckily for him, which seemed to be a theme these days, his Kwami wasn’t quite so gentle. “You almost told her you loved her _and_ your secret identity. That’s two strikes in one go,” he laughed, floating behind Adrien as they entered the apartment building. 

“I know, Plagg,” Adrien groaned.

“You went over there to eat cookies and talk about your nightmares, and yet,” Plagg continued, not caring much for Adrien being annoyed with him. They had been partners for almost five years and their dynamic had never gotten any better. If anything, at least Adrien grew more of a backbone after having Plagg around. He even managed to move out of his dad’s house, although with a few restrictions, meaning he had to study Fashion and Business. Adrien would do anything for freedom, so selling his soul to his father’s company seemed like the only way out without being completely disowned. He frowned at the thought of disappointing his dad, an aching feeling finding its way into his stomach. Although he hated Gabriel, he wanted his dad to love him and be proud. The chances of that happening at this point felt nearly impossible.

“Plagg, _I know_ ,” Adrien used the back of his hand to lazily swat Plagg out of the air. The tiny God dodged it and laughed. 

“You didn’t even get me any cheese.” 

Adrien glared at the God, his eyebrows furrowing. To anyone who was up this late on a Tuesday, it appeared that the model was arguing with thin air. The paparazzi would’ve went wild over this. “I know, I didn’t. Also, how was I supposed to just casually drop the fact that I was having nightmares about her? I can’t keep going over there to talk about having nightmares without ever telling her what they’re about. How do you just,” he paused, clearing his voice to imitate what he thought Chat Noir would sound like, “Hey Princess, I have abandonment issues because my mom went missing when I was younger and my dad started neglecting me, so now I’m scared about the rare people I’m close to leaving me. I could go on about all of the reasons I have these problems, but I’m scared that’ll make you leave too.” 

Adrien paused, and then groaned again, dropping his shoulders. He was terrified of losing Marinette. Whether something terrible happens to her in an Akuma attack or she decides she hates him… It was terrifying. Besides Ladybug, Marinette was the closest person he had in his life. Sure, Nino was his best friend, but Nino only knew him as Adrien. Marinette knew both sides, being Chat’s main confidant (outside of Ladybug, of course), and after a long period of misunderstandings, she was good friends with Adrien too. On top of that, he had such a strong feeling that Ladybug and Marinette were one person, making him even more afraid of losing her. 

“Kid,” Plagg said, “Maybe you should just relax and be more concerned with how you told her you know her as a civilian. I don’t really care what you do, but…” He trailed off.

“I show up to Akuma attacks immediately on campus, and we’re both the same age. Me either having a class with her or seeing her in person isn’t that impossible,” Adrien began to talk, sounding more like he was convincing himself than convincing Plagg, “And she could just assume I meant that I see her in passing.” The Cat Deity rolled his eyes and slipped into Adrien’s pocket as they walked through the apartment door. 

A mound of blankets with hands sat before the tv with an RPG, that was unknown to Adrien, flashing on it. The blankets turned to look at him, eyes obscured by the reflections in their glasses. A man emerged from the blankets, a rare sight without a hat on. “Adrien, bro, what the fuck? It’s like,” he whipped out his phone to check the time,” past 3 am.” 

“I couldn’t sleep,” he mumbled, walking past him and laying across the couch. Luckily for him, Nino liked to sit directly in front of the TV, on the floor, while playing games. “Another nightmare,” Adrien’s voice sounded more like a sigh than anything.

“About Mari?” Nino frowned before sitting back down and continuing to play his game. He was running around some grassy terrain. Adrien nodded, closing his eyes and leaning his head back on the couch. The sound of opening a chest filled the apartment with a twinkle. “Dude?”

Sometimes, Adrien forgot that unless someone is looking at you, they don’t know if you nod. “Yeah, about her.” 

Nino sighed and scratched the back of his head, his deeply tanned fingers grazing the back of his neck, “Dude, just ask her out.”

“I doubt she’d say yes,” Adrien rubbed his face with his hands, letting them rub his eyes before sliding into his hair. 

“Bro,” Nino turned around to face him, eyes glaring, “Maybe you just don’t want to ask her out.”

“Why wouldn’t I want to? You know how I feel-“

“Exactly. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to, Mari’s cool as fuck, and you’re letting something hold you back. Unless you’ve been lying about being in love with her for the past three years, because then I’ll fuck you up,” Nino stated before turning back around to face the TV. Nino and Marinette had known each other since soon after they were born. Both of their parents put them into the same crèches. From there, their moms became friends, and they've had playdates ever since. Nino had a crush on Marinette for years until he met Alya, but nothing ever came out of it. And now, after Alya and Nino had been dating for four years, Marinette was like a little sister to him. They had always been close, but now, Nino had this protectiveness about Marinette that ran off a lot of the weirder guys who had tried to date her. Adrien was probably more grateful for this than Marinette was. Whenever Adrien had protective outbursts, it tended to come off a little stronger. Nino was much less dramatic. 

“She doesn’t feel the same.”

“You’re literally a model.”

“So?”

“Dude,” Nino mumbled and dropped the topic, unwilling to talk about it at this late. “You should at least talk about what happens in your nightmares.” Images of Marinette being hurt flashed across his eyelids, causing a sharp pain to shoot across his chest. He didn’t want to talk about it, he just wanted to hold her until he knew she was safe. As his eyes began to water, he quietly slipped away into his room. Nino watched his door shut, sighing after him. He would always worry about that kid. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


	2. Cinnamon Hot Chocolate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien skips class and Marinette wishes she had too.

The coffee shop felt busier than usual. It was a quarter till 12 on a Wednesday morning, and Adrien began to wonder if he wasn’t the only one who skipped their class. He couldn’t say he cared very much about any of his business-related classes. Maybe university would’ve been more enjoyable for him if he studied what he had wanted to in the first place.

With a sigh, he glanced from across the table to where Chloe Bourgeois sat. Delicate fingers wrapped themselves around the steaming cup and brought it to her lips. She paused her story to take a long sip from the tea. Adrien was only halfheartedly paying attention to what she was saying, much to Chloe’s annoyance. He knew she was complaining about a lousy hookup with some girl she met in one of her classes, but she refrained from using a name. If she had told him who it was, he doubted he would have cared much anyway. The details from the story were quickly forgotten, his mind unable to focus. Her eyes narrowed as she placed the mug down on the table, her pinky cushioning its placement. Without interruption, her concentration remained entirely on him. “You aren’t listening to me, are you?”

Adrien shyly smiled, trying to hold back a laugh, “You noticed?”

“I always know when people don’t pay attention to me, Adrikins,” she finished the sentence with the click of her tongue. There wasn’t much that got past her. Even if Chloe had narcissistic tendencies, she was the most observant person he knew. It didn’t always work to his benefit, however. 

Adrien laughed, crinkling his green eyes. Chloe went to say something and then stopped, pursing her lips. “What’s distracting you so much today?” She said, putting the mug back to her carefully colored lips.

“Well, I’m wondering what’s going on in class since I skipped to hang out with you.”

She gasped, “You skipped class? Why didn’t you tell me! I could’ve rescheduled or something.”

Adrien didn’t want to build up her ego and say that he enjoyed seeing her, but he thought about telling her that he was excited for today since it was a good excuse not to go to class. It had been a couple of weeks without seeing each other anyways, considering that she was in New York over the summer, and then classes started up almost as soon as she came back.

“You’ve got a lot going on, Chlo. If I didn’t hangout with you today, I’m pretty sure I never would’ve seen you again,” he laughed more. 

Chloe hid a smile, staring down into her nearly empty cup. “Luckily for you, I’m throwing a party this weekend.” Adrien’s eyebrows rose. A party? Since Chloe was gone over the summer, it felt like fewer parties were thrown. She was the absolute queen of them, and it felt like she threw one every other weekend. Summer dragged on without her presence. “And you-know-who is gonna be there,” she smirked, her eyes glancing up at him through elongated eyelashes, “So you have to go too. Maybe you’ll actually make a move on her.” 

He thought about Marinette. He thought about Marinette at parties. He thought about a drunk, affectionate Marinette running up to hug him. With a frown, he thought about drunk, affectionate Marinette running up to hug everyone. They were lucky that Kim tended to watch over her at parties, so nothing happened, but he didn’t like the idea of that either. Kim was an absolute flirt. 

As if sensing his anxiety, Chloe waved her hands, dismissing his thoughts for him. “You know, you wouldn’t have to worry about other people kissing her if you would just do it already.” Adrien forced an emotionless laugh and rested his chin on his hand. He was glad Chloe and Marinette had become friends after years of hating each other, but he wasn’t happy about Chloe and everyone else trying to push him to make a move on her. What if she didn’t like it? Or worse, what if she didn’t want him? What was with everyone pushing him to do something anyway? Was his crush that annoying? 

“Or don’t,” Chloe mumbled, “Someone probably will though if you don’t first.” 

Adrien pretended not to hear her.

They went on to talk more about her time in New York and how their classes were going. Since he, Chloe, and Marinette all had majors pertaining to fashion and business, they found themselves in a lot of similar courses. Well, it was more that Marinette and Adrien found themselves in the same classes, and Chloe found herself asking them to relay everything that happened for her. Her GPA would be a lot higher if she would attend class. It was a little insulting that she didn’t even show up to the classes the three of them had together. 

The chime of a bell distracted Adrien from Chloe’s complaints, pulling his eyes from the tall blonde in front of him to the short bluenette who walked through the door. He sat up straighter in his seat, a soft smile grazing his lips. He watched as she pulled her pink corduroy jacket closer to her body, covering the loose, silk black tank-top that thinly covered her torso. His eyes trailed down her high-waisted jeans and back up again. He took in everything that she was, his eyes devouring her entirely. He felt a small purr build up in his chest before Chloe interrupted him. “Are you not listening? Again?” She snapped in front of his face before following his focus. She saw a clueless Marinette walk towards the counter. Chloe snorted and rolled her eyes, expecting to find nothing less distracting her childhood friend. “Ridiculous,” She muttered, “Utterly ridiculous.” 

Marinette walked up to the counter, talking about something other than her order to the punky wet dream. Adrien’s smile faltered, watching the two of them interact. There was no secret that the barista had feelings for her, and he often wondered how she felt about him. “I bet Luka’s gonna ask her out before you do,” Chloe whispered, turned in her seat to watch Marinette with him. Adrien jumped and looked at her, watching the smug smile that sat on Chloe’s face grow. 

“What?” He squeaked.

Chloe shrugged, her eyes trained on Marinette, “If _you_ ask out Marinette, then you could be sitting here with her right now instead of ignoring me.”

“Sorry,” Adrien mumbled. With his lack of sleep from the nightmares, he felt moodier than usual. Not only was Marinette just talking to someone else bothering him, but Chloe’s stories weren’t as engaging. It didn’t help that they were all colored to make her look good even when she was doing wrong. He usually gave her credit, she was a lot friendlier and better than she used to be, but she did _not_ like it when people crossed her, or, regretfully, if she was being ignored. Chloe was too used to being ignored by her mother for Adrien to also do it. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes while Chloe turned back towards the table and drank the rest of her tea. Adrien continued to watch Marinette talk with Luka, stealing glances whenever he was sure he wouldn’t be caught. Had she even ordered yet? The growing grimace on his face was starting to become visible as a hand gently touched his shoulder. Jumping at the touch, Adrien turned around and saw a girl staring down at him with a smile that refused to reach her eyes. It was as if a smile was never meant to be on her lips. “I don’t mean to intrude,” She said, brushing her hair over her shoulder, “But I saw you here, and I wanted to say hi!” 

“Hi Lila,” Adrien said, attempting to force a smile back. Whenever Lila was around, he felt sick. It was like a bad omen.

“Lila,” Chloe stated, eyes narrowing.

“Chloe,” Lila replied, just as flatly, “I see you decided to venture outside of your fashion comfort zone,” her smile broadened, “It’s very charming.” 

Lila was one of his father’s models, and one of Adrien’s least favorite people. He used to tolerate her when he was younger, feeling sorry for her. There was an assumption that her tendency to lie to get attention and validation from others came from a dark place, so he tried his best to be kind. But over the years, he found himself unable to stand it. Whether it was due to Ladybug and Marinette’s influence of hating liars, or just because Lila made him uncomfortable, he wasn’t sure. Adrien weakly rubbed his tired eyes, as if she was just a hallucination he could will away.

Chloe started laughing, “I’ll have you know my _mother_ bought this shirt for me during New York fashion week. Where’d you get yours? Did you have to dumpster dive behind a shoot for it?” 

Lila’s hand gripped Adrien’s shoulder, causing him to wince. Her face remained expressionless, however. After a moment, Adrien attempted to shrug her hand off his button-up, disliking the way it felt or how long it had stayed. Physical touch with anyone he wasn’t close to was more than just uncomfortable for him. Nonetheless, her hand refused to move. Adrien’s eyes flickered back to Marinette, making eye contact with the petite designer. Her face reddened, and she looked away from him.

Adrien found his scapegoat. 

He forced a small laugh and grabbed Lila’s hand, gently removing it from his shoulder as he stood up. There was nothing more that he wanted than to be away from this conversation and to be with Marinette. With an apologetic glance to Chloe, he stood up. “I need to go say hi to someone,” he mumbled and removed himself from the situation. As he walked away, he could hear Lila say something, and then Chloe snapping back at her. He’d have to vocally apologize to Chloe later, but if he stayed there any longer, he might have vomited directly onto Lila’s chunky tennis shoes.

Marinette continuously side-glanced him as he walked over, her face getting redder with every step. “He’s on the move,” Luka whispered, resulting in Marinette gently hitting his shoulder with the back of her hand. He laughed.

“Hey, funny seeing you here,” Adrien grinned down at Marinette, who was barely taller than the middle of his chest. 

“I work here,” Luka smiled. Adrien shot him a look. Their brief moment of eye-contact felt like hours, a mutual understanding of disdain. It wasn’t that Adrien hated Luka, it was just that he didn’t like the idea of Marinette dating someone like Luka. He was a few years older than them, tattooed, in a band, and reeked of bad news. Sure, Luka had never done anything wrong, but Adrien was looking for any reason to dislike him. It was hard when he was genuinely such a good guy. Adrien’s smile faltered, but only for a moment. Was Luka actually bad news? Deep down, he doubted it. Anyone who knew Luka knew just how long he had been in love with Marinette for. His heart squeezed at the thought.

Once it settled in that Adrien had been talking to her, Marinette’s smile broadened. “I thought you had class until,” she quickly checked the cracked screen of her phone, “12:30?” 

“I skipped class to see Chloe,” Adrien gestured back towards his table with the back of his hand, “But I was kind of interrupted.” Marinette followed his gesture to see where Chloe and Lila were arguing, almost making out what they were saying. She frowned when she saw Lila there. Although never formally meeting her, she had heard horror stories from Adrien about their shoots together. A sharp pain quickly shot across her chest. This was the first time she’d seen her in person, and Marinette knew that Lila was a model, but she didn’t realize just how pretty she was. It made the idea of Lila touching the personification of sunshine, especially without his permission, even more disturbing to her. Based on what she knew about her, Lila didn’t understand personal space. But, was everyone who Adrien worked with that attractive?

“Gross,” Marinette said, her nose crinkling. Although it was in disgust, Adrien found it endearing. 

Adrien glanced back at Lila and Chloe, finding Lila’s eyes firmly planted on them. Specifically, her eyes were consuming Marinette. Adrien looked back to Marinette, hoping she wouldn’t notice the way Lila stared.

Luka cleared his throat, redirecting the conversation in his direction. He smiled gently at Marinette and shot a pointed glance at Adrien. “Anyway,” he began, “I was just trying to convince Marinette to work here again.”

“And I said absolutely not.”

Luka frowned slightly, before bringing his hand up to hide his lips, muffling a small laugh, “You’re too much of a successful designer to come back to your humble beginnings. Please don’t forget about me when you’re accepting awards, _Marinette._ ” Adrien found that he didn’t like how her name rolled off his tongue as if he’s said it a thousand times before. He didn’t like how natural it sounded or how much warmth was put behind it. Adrien felt as if her name was meant just for his own lips.

Marinette giggled, “As long as Kitty Section doesn’t get a new designer, I could never.” 

“So, if we get a new designer, you’ll hate me forever?” Luka asked.

Marinette feverously nodded, “Oh, absolutely. You’ll be dead to me. Luka who?” She laughed and glanced at Adrien, who met her eyes with his own. It deafened the noise around them, making her feel like they were the only people there, the only ones who mattered. Her heart melted. The boy was made from sunshine and something beautiful, even if he didn’t seem to be in an excellent mood today. 

She looked at the out of place, soft purple circles under his eyes and watched as his eyelids sink down. Her eyebrows furrowed in worry, wondering if he was getting enough sleep. Her eyes subconsciously drifted down to his lips and then back up at his eyes, noticing that he was still staring at her. Roses bloomed on her cheeks as she looked back at Luka, who’s lips were slightly downturn. 

Luka knew that Marinette had been in love with Adrien for years, and Luka was okay with that. He was okay that she didn’t love him back, but he wasn’t okay with her pining after someone who, after all this time, still hadn’t attempted to even ask her on a date. Marinette clung onto every interaction with Adrien, and it made a knot tie itself in Luka’s stomach. If Marinette was going to be in love with someone else, he wanted her to at least be happy while doing it. 

“Excuse me,” Chloe cleared her throat, turning everyone’s focus to her. She smiled, her hands on her hips. “I believe _someone_ owes me an apology.” She stomped her foot and turned her head to stare directly at Adrien. Rubbing the back of his neck, and looking away from her, his eyes scoured the room, begging for help.

“Sorry for leaving you alone,” Adrien muttered. Luka chuckled more.

“With Lila. Sorry for leaving you alone with the most ridiculous model to ever even _look at_ the runways of Paris,” Chloe corrected. Adrien stifled a laugh, and Chloe’s demeanor relaxed. “Hey Mariboo,” she said, her attention now directed towards Marinette. Marinette offered her a small wave and a bigger smile. “So,” she then looked at Luka, who’s eyes widened slightly at the sudden attention, “Luka! I’m throwing a party! You’re invited.” 

A growl bubbled up in Adrien’s chest, to which he quickly stifled. He did _not_ like that idea at all. There was absolutely no reason for Chloe to invite Luka, but she was punishing Adrien for leaving her alone with Lila. He wanted to complain that he had already apologized, but Chloe gave him no room to do so. Luka gave her a thumbs up, “I’ll be there.” 

Eventually, Marinette managed to order a cinnamon hot chocolate before saying goodbyes between sips. After leaving, Adrien immediately wished he was going with her. He watched the door she left from long after her final wave, ignoring the conversation Luka and Chloe were having. “Adrien,” Chloe said, “You’re really spacy today. It’s annoying me.” 

“What?”

“Can you learn how to go to bed? Please. Ugh, you’re making me tired just by interacting with you,” she rolled her eyes and looked back at the blue-haired boy standing before her. He simply nodded.

“You do seem spacy,” Luka said.

Adrien frowned at the two of them, hating the fact that they could notice he wasn’t sleeping. Did he look that disheveled? He ran his hands through golden hair, making sure nothing felt out of place. “I’ve been having nightmares,” he mumbled. There had been one last night after he finally got home, too. It was about his mom this time. She had been there, singing the same lullaby she sang to him as a child. It was about a lonely cat that he had always resonated with, feeling as if the story was just about him. He would see memories of his dad ignoring him, of sitting alone in his room, staring at the ceiling while whispering the song to himself. Adrien always tried to find the lullaby online, but never could. He wondered if his mother made it up just for him. 

As she sang the song, her words began to grow distorted and distant, it felt like her voice was fading away as he grew colder. He felt like ice. 

“About what?” Chloe said. Adrien’s eyes snapped to her, the icy feeling on his skin being replaced by the warmth of the coffee shop. She stared at him, her expression blank. 

“I barely remember it,” he muttered.

* * *

Marinette’s next class dragged by, and every sentence that came out of her Art Survey I professor’s mouth felt like a novel. By the time the class finished, and she had heard enough about ancient Egyptian art, her hot chocolate was nearly empty. She fought back the urge to go get more, finding that another coffee shop encounter with anyone would be too much for the day. She found herself feeling slightly down, wishing her thoughts would stop drifting towards Adrien and his model coworkers. Although still early in the day, nothing sounded better than going home and drinking the rest of her cheap wine. 

“Marinette,” an unfamiliar voice called to her. She glanced around her, finding a stranger to be staring down at her with hungry eyes. Running a hand through his sleek, dark hair, he licked his lips. Marinette shied away from him as he stepped closer. He matched her every backstep, trying to catch his prey. “Boring class, huh?” He grinned, his hand reaching for her cup. “I never pictured you as much of a coffee drinker, honestly, definitely more of a tea girl,” He whispered before taking the drink out of her hands. He carefully watched her face before pressing the lid to his mouth, swallowing the rest of the lukewarm liquid. With a shudder, she frowned, having a hard time processing the situation to react differently. There was something about this guy that made her incredibly nervous. “Hot chocolate with cinnamon? How cute,” he grinned. The cup stayed in his hands, his grip making sure she knew the cup was his now.

“I’m sorry,” she squeaked, “What’s your name again?”

“Oh,” he glanced to the side and then back to her, taking her hand in his. With a slight bow, he used a free hand to grab one of her own. Chapped lips grazed the back of her hand, making her tense up. “I’m Alain,” he kissed her hand, roughly, again, “One of your many admirers, I’m sure.” Admirer? What exactly was he admiring about her in this class? Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, at 12:30, she could be seen falling asleep at her desk. There was nothing particularly graceful or riveting about that.

Marinette quickly stole her hand back, holding it in her other one over her chest. She glanced around the classroom, looking for a way out. The last thing she wanted was to be alone with him for much longer. She had never talked to this guy before, not that she really paid much attention in this class anyway, and she didn’t even realize he sat near her. Could he have been someone she had met before? Her eyes began to search for something recognizable in his face and was almost relieved to find his eyes weren’t green, but instead a very dull shade of grey. If Chat Noir decided to introduce himself to her as a civilian like this, she’d have to start locking her window. Besides, Chat was gentle. This man was not. 

“I hate to disappoint,” She forced a laugh, “but I don’t have admirers.” Her eyes glanced from him to the door.

“You have me,” he smiled. Marinette frowned. “I just wanted to ask if you were going to Chloe’s party this weekend,” Alain reached forward to play with a long strand of Marinette’s silky hair. He twirled it around his finger before bringing it up to his lips, kissing the piece of hair. She shuddered again, instinctively pulling away from him. Alain held onto the piece, a smirk playing itself on his lips.

Marinette so badly wanted to say no, but her inability to lie without saying a thousand things at once inhibited her. She cleared her throat and backed away again, her hip bumping into the desk next to her. It felt like she was trapped, and the now-empty classroom felt more like a prison than a center of learning. Her heartbeat increased the closer he got to her, but it wasn’t like with Chat, where his closeness made her heat up. This closeness made her tremble. “I-I,” she stuttered, “I didn’t know you were a friend of Chloe’s! A friend of Chloe’s is obviously a friend of mine, well, except for when she bullied me in grade school,” she forced a nervous laugh, quickly putting her stuff into her backpack. “She does throw great parties though, my friend Kim and I always drink way too much, but not too much, like an appropriate amount of much,” she took in a breath, afraid she was starting to give away too much information.

“I totally have to go though, yeah, I have a wine appointment, I mean wine! No,” she shook her head quickly, “An appointment! Yes. I have an appointment right now. I’ll see you later, Alain! It was lovely to meet you,” she forced a smile before quickly walking out of the classroom, not even looking at him when her hair caught on his finger. Marinette could feel his eyes on her as she left, and the feeling of his lips on her hand lingered. Wine had never sounded better than it did at that moment. 

She found herself quickly walking back to her apartment. Marinette didn’t stop to say hello to Master Fu. She didn’t ask Alya if she wanted her to pick up lunch. And she didn’t stop to look behind her. The entire time, she felt as if his eyes were still on her, and she didn’t want to find out if they still were.

Opening the door to her apartment allowed Marinette to release the breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Her eyes glanced down the hallway, feeling relieved to find that she was alone. She slipped inside of her apartment, quietly shutting the door behind her. She was greeted by two pairs of eyes, both with the same wide-eyed expression. 

“You okay?” The first pair of eyes, Alya, said, walking over to her. She placed two hands on Marinette’s shoulders, steadying her. Marinette didn’t realize that she was shaking. 

“Creepy guy,” Marinette frowned.

“Creepy guy?” The second pair of eyes, Nino, called over to her from the other side of the room. Marinette glanced to where he sat on their couch. 

“Yeah,” Marinette sighed, patting one of Alya’s hands before shrugging them both off her shoulders. She walked around the counter and opened her fridge, pulling out a bottle of wine. “He’s in my Art Survey class, but I didn’t know until today,” she went to find a glass, but decided against it, “He called himself my admirer?”

“Your admirer? That’s Weird,” Alya nodded, “What’s his name?”

“Alain. He said he’s a friend of Chloe’s and that he just wanted to know if I was going to her party this weekend,” Marinette said. Alya took mental note of his name before giving Marinette a disappointed look when she saw what she was holding. There was no doubt in Alya’s mind that Marinette tended to drink when she got uncomfortable or sad. She’d go to parties, get uncomfortable because of the number of people, drink, and then get too comfortable. At home, Marinette would get upset and then lock herself in her room with a bottle of wine. Alya was pretty sure it only consisted of Marinette sewing clothes and drinking wine, but the fear of Marinette having a complete mental break while alone in her room with only some wine to comfort her, was nerve-wracking.

Marinette did have a lot to do. She always did. Between classes, being Ladybug, and running her own commission-based fashion store, there was never any time for her to relax. Whenever she tried to, it felt like she was wasting away. Marinette didn’t know why she spent all of her time thinking about Adrien when she wasn’t even sure if she’d be able to successfully date him if he was interested. The only person it felt like she had time for anymore was Chat Noir, and that was only because he’d break into her room and watch her sew at midnight. Well, she had time for Alya, but it was hard to ignore someone you live with. 

“How’d you escape Alain’s nasty clutches then?” Alya laughed, walking back over to the couch to sit next to Nino. He immediately draped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. 

“I did that thing I do when I get nervous,” Marinette shot them a finger gun with her free hand, “Y’know, talk a lot and then run away after embarrassing myself? I was scared he’d follow me, but I checked the hallways before I walked in, and they were clear.” 

“If he followed you, I would’ve kicked his ass anyway,” Alya laughed harder than before. Marinette didn’t understand why that was the part she found so funny. She pursed her lips and started to walk into her room. “Besides, I doubt he’d have waited to introduce himself to you to follow you. He probably would’ve done it from the get-go,” she nodded in agreement with herself.

“I just don’t like the idea of being followed,” Marinette mumbled. It was hard to explain her paranoia with that, seeing as there was the threat of revealing her identity as Ladybug. Being a superhero, if someone was following you when you transformed or detransformed, your identity was immediately known by whoever it was. The last thing she needed was for some creepy guy to blackmail her about her secret identity.

“I would’ve thought he followed me too,” Nino added, trying not to interrupt too much, “If he was weird enough to just introduce himself as your admirer, he could’ve been weird enough to follow you home.”

“He stole my hot chocolate! And then he drank the rest,” Marinette pouted.

“Dude, he did what?” Nino gasped. Anything but the hot chocolate. Nino was a firm believer in not stealing other people’s consumables unless consent has been received.

“Last sip too.”

“Despicable.”

Alya sighed, “Well, if he is a freak, maybe you should be careful at Chloe’s party. Y’know,” she gestured to Marinette’s bottle of wine, “Drink less? You’re even more careless when you’re drunk, Mari.”

Marinette rolled her eyes, feeling as if Alya had been exaggerating. She could absolutely take care of herself, and she had never gotten drunk when she was around people she didn’t know. Besides, in a life or death situation, she could always transform. Subconsciously, she patted her purse. “It’ll be okay! I doubt I’ll even see him,” Marinette gave Alya a smile, finding that her words were more to reassure herself than her best friend. She opened and gently shut the door to her bedroom, leaving Alya and Nino to canoodle in the living room. Marinette locked her door behind her and set the wine bottle down on her desk. Having nothing to do for the rest of the day, she was determined to either focus so much on her work that she forgot about Adrien’s model coworkers and Alain, or drink so much that she forgets. 

By the time Chat Noir opened her window, Marinette was tipsy, but she still absolutely remembered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehe epic


	3. Red Wine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette's depressed and Chat is bad at puzzles

Marinette was absorbed by the soft carpet of her bedroom floor, her eyes staring up at the spinning ceiling. There were many things she regretted in life, and the wine bottle that sat on the floor next to her was one of them. A firm hand grasped the container, keeping it from pouring out onto the floor. Colorful fabrics were strewn around her desk, lazily dripping down onto the carpet around her, threatening to be spoiled by the wine she possessed. She had been working on a commission for a cosplayer, but due to her bad habits, she was having a hard time finishing. All Marinette knew about the costume was that Adrien liked the anime it was from, so she was excited to make it. She was hoping she could show it to Adrien, and that he’d talk to her about it. But the wine really got in the way of her master plan.

A voice came with a cold breeze, making Marinette’s bare arms turn to ice, “Princess?” She shivered, wishing she had kept her jacket on. The tank top was too thin to give her anything more than a compliment.

“Mhm,” Marinette mumbled, not even turning to look at the body squeezing itself through her window. A belt fashioned into a tail lightly hit her shoulder, forcing her to finally look. Chat Noir, in all his leather-clad glory, was trying to force his other leg through the window. It got stuck, momentarily, before finally being freed and allowing him to stumble in. He was a cat, but sometimes, a less than graceful one.

“Why’re you on the floor?” He stepped over, standing above her and tilting his head downwards to look at her face. There was a conscious effort not to stare at her exposed bra from the strewed tank top. He noted more black lace, which matched the underwear he saw last night. Chat clenched his eyes shut and then reopened them, blinking the thoughts away.

“Everything’s spinning,” she mumbled, reaching her hands up towards him, “You’re spinning.” Chat sniffed, smelling the faintest hint of wine on her breath. He frowned, but Marinette didn’t notice. “I was trying to make,” she cleared her throat, “make a commission. Finish one. But the world started spinning, so I laid down on the carpet.” Marinette grinned up at him, “It’s comfy here. I feel like, I feel like I was meant to be on the floor right now.”

His eyes glanced at the wine bottle in her hand. Crouching down next to her, he gently took it from her hands, shaking it. The little bit of wine left sloshed. “That’s my wine, Chat. You can’t have the rest,” she snatched the bottle back, almost spilling the rest onto her. “Everyone keeps trying to take my drinks today.”

“What?” Chat tilted his head and brushed her bangs from her eyes, staring at the deep blue he loved so much.

“Some guy took my hot chocolate after class. It was despicable! Nino agreed!”

“ _What?_ ” Chat repeated.

“My admirer,” Marinette giggled, making an inside joke with herself. Her eyes gently closed, a soft smile dancing across her lips. “I’ve never had an admirer before.”

Chat was immediately uncomfortable hearing about her admirer, despising the way it sounded. He folded his legs beneath him and began to run his hands through her hair, wondering what all happened in Marinette’s life that he didn’t know about. He knew she didn’t tell him everything, as Adrien or as Chat Noir. “How do you know he was an admirer?”

“He said so! Asked me if I was going to Chloe’s party and kissed my hand. His lips were super chapped, though. Not like yours,” she slowly opened her eyes, staring at him through her eyelashes, “Yours are always soft, kitty.”

His face reddened, turning away from her. She thought his lips were soft? Did that mean she thought about his lips? Sure, he tended to kiss her hand, but he didn’t expect her to think much about that. With a gentle voice, he asked, “You think mine are soft?”

“So soft,” she giggled.

Despite the compliment, the more he thought about it, the more he didn’t like the idea of someone else kissing her hand. He frowned at the thought, imagining some beautiful man whisking his princess away from him. At least his lips were soft. “Did you tell him you were going,” he whispered.

“I dunno,” she glanced away from him, pursing her lips, as if it would bring back the memory, “I just kinda panicked and then ran away.”

Did that guy make her uncomfortable? He was having a hard time understanding the situation since she was incoherent. But he couldn’t bring it up later as Adrien, because how would Adrien know about it? All he knew was some guy, who called himself her admirer, kissed her hand, and then asked if she was going to a party.

Marinette hesitated, nibbling at her lip, “Are you going?”

Chat beamed up at her, “Maybe.”

Without skipping a beat, Marinette shot up from her spot on the floor and feverously looked around her room. Making what Chat Noir believed to be a joyful sound, she stood up and waddled over to her desk.

“What’re you-,” Chat began.

“This,” she held up a piece of emerald fabric, “Looks just like your eyes. You and Adrien both have the prettiest green eyes.” Marinette giggled, holding the soft material close to her chest fondly. Chat’s face began to heat up again at the mention of his civilian self. She thought his eyes were pretty? Sure, he and Chat basically had the same eyes and she’s complimented Chat’s before, but it felt different hearing her talk about Adrien. “I’m making the costume for some,” she hummed, “Some anime that Adrien likes. It’s not for Adrien, but someone else is paying me to make it. But I know Adrien likes it.” Every time she said his name, a smile was brought to her face. Chat watched her in awe, his heart beating fast.

She frowned, dropping the fabric to the desk and then sitting down in her chair. Marinette kicked against the floor, spinning herself in slow circles. “I’m sad, kitty,” she sighed.

“Sad?”

“Yeah,” Marinette stared at her wall. There were pictures of her and her friends mixed with images from photoshoots, many being Gabriel shoots. Almost all the photoshoot pictures were of him, well, Adrien. He never noticed that before. “Sad,” she repeated, “I was thinking about the boy I was in love with.”

Their entire conversation was hard to digest, every word sending him through a thousand emotions at once. She was the one who drank, but he felt like his own world was spinning. Why did she have to mention him now? He wanted her to talk about Adrien and their pretty eyes, not about the boy she was in love with. His heart sank just hearing her say those words. “I saw someone today,” she began, “Someone I’ve never seen before. And she was so, so pretty. But he always says he doesn’t like her very much, which is surprising because they tend to like everyone just okay. They’re really understanding.” Chat found it hard to be annoyed when Marinette was smiling so fondly. The smile quickly faded, however, the more she kept talking about the other girl.

“But I saw her! And I was thinking, well, if they could hate, I mean, dislike, someone that pretty, I don’t wanna see the people he actually likes,” She began to pout, stopping the chair from spinning more. “I don’t think I can compare to that,” Marinette grabbed the wine bottle again, taking a long swig from it.

It hurt Chat to hear her talking like that, especially comparing herself to others. He knew Marinette, and he knew how wonderful she was. He looked at her like she was everything. She was more than some girl, she was his nightlight when he was scared of the dark. He couldn’t imagine any guy looking at her and not seeing how astonishing she was. “That guy’s an idiot for not being in love with you,” his words felt like air. They were effortless.

“It’s been years, Chat, if he was going to love me, he would’ve loved me by now.”

“Are you just waiting for him?” Chat stared at her, watching her shoulders slowly sink.

“Always,” Marinette sniffled.

Chat wanted nothing more than to kiss her. He wanted to wipe the tears that were welling up in her eyes away, and he wanted to run his hands through her hair. Chat wanted to count the freckles on her face and kiss her cheeks for each one. There was nothing he wouldn’t give to be able to lie down next to her and just bask in her warmth. He wanted to be with her entirely and the idea that she could wait forever for someone who wasn’t giving her the time of day made his stomach churn. Everything he wanted to say kept threatening to get stuck in his throat. “Is he that worth it?” Chat barely croaked out.

“Worth it and more,” the smile began to return despite the cool tears falling down her face. She sniffled again, rubbing her eyes with the back of a small hand. It broke Chat’s heart.

He stood up, pulling Marinette to stand so he could hug her. She reached up, happily accepting his comfort. Chat hugged her tight, holding onto her for as long as he possibly could. Vanilla and cinnamon filled his senses, gladly breathing in the familiar scent. A small purr built up in his chest, vibrating out. A hand ran through long, dark hair as the other drew circles on her back with his thumb. She began to shake, more tears pouring out of her.

Whoever it was that she was in love with, he’d kick their fucking ass.

They remained like that until Marinette finally pulled away from him. Chat held himself back from yanking her close to him again, missing the feeling of her warmth. He held her arms from a distance, wishing she would take back the sad smile she gave him. “Good kitty,” she whispered, petting his hair.

Marinette moved to her bed, sitting down and hugging the cat plush that formally sat there. He wondered if it smelled like the bakery. “How’re your parents doing?” Chat blurted out, resulting in a confused look from Marinette. It wasn’t precisely on topic, but he didn’t think she’d mind.

“They’re as great as always. Dad gets weird if I mention you,” she laughed, “He’s still embarrassed that he thought you were my boyfriend.” Using a fist, she wiped away the remainder of her tears.

“He did catch me in your room.”

“Sleeping on my bed,” Marinette laughed more, the twinkling sound filling the formerly tense space around them. He relaxed at the sound, drifting towards it. He found himself a spot on her bed.

“I was taking a cat nap,” he joined her laughter. She rolled her eyes, continuing to giggle.

“I don’t know how well they would’ve taken you actually being my boyfriend,” Marinette leaned her head back, closing her eyes. He wondered if she was feeling okay. “Like,” she began to mimic her father’s voice, “My sweet Marinette, with a superhero? No man in a catsuit should ever lay a hand on _my_ daughter. We can’t even meet his parents!” She giggled more now, nearly falling over. He chuckled at her poor imitation.

Chat moved to rest his head on her lap, purring when she began to rub his cat ear and ruffled his hair. Sometimes, he wondered if Marinette knew how much she meant to him, both as Adrien and as Chat. He thought about her all the time. He wondered if she knew he loved her. So desperately, he wanted to tell her who he was. He wanted to kiss her and show her how loved she was, but he knew he couldn’t. Knowing his identity could completely change the dynamic of their friendships, both sides of it. It was the same thing with Ladybug.

Even though he felt that Marinette and Ladybug were the same person, he could never know for sure. And it was something terrifying, the idea of her knowing that it was Adrien who climbed into her window every night. Chat wasn’t just some random boy, he was someone already close to her. He felt like he was betraying her trust. He knew Marinette didn’t expect him to be Chat Noir, so it didn’t feel like the same thing as her and Ladybug. He was the one coming to her. He felt like he was lying. It was selfish, but Chat Noir wanted things to be like this forever. Even if he was only ever Marinette’s friend, he just wanted her to be in his life. If telling her made her hate him, he needed to keep the truth locked away forever.

Chat couldn’t know Marinette felt the same way. She felt like he’d hate her if he knew she was Ladybug. He’d hate knowing he spent all this time with Ladybug and she never told him, no matter how often he’d talk about his love or admiration for her. She’d let him tell stories about their patrols for years, never once telling him she already knew. He stopped talking as much about Ladybug over the years, as if he grew to understand something. This revelation was one she held deep down, never wanting to acknowledge. She didn’t want to think about whether he knew who she was.

She was staring at him now. Chat didn’t know when she had opened her eyes. “One day, when Hawkmoth is gone, can I know who you are?”

“You’ll know who I am one day, Princess,” he whispered, refusing to look towards her, “But when you find out, you have to promise me you won’t hate me.” He felt selfish.

“Promise me the same,” her voice was nearly softer, “Promise me nothing can make you hate me.”

He feebly lifted up his hand, sticking his pinky finger out. She gave out a breathy laugh and wrapped her pinky around his. He noted how much smaller it was. “Promise,” they said.

Chat took a deep breath, moving his hand to completely take hers in his. He held onto it tightly before bringing it to his lips, gently kissing it. She giggled, mumbling something about soft lips. He wondered how soft hers would be.

In the time they sat like this, Marinette’s strokes began growing slower and less frequent. He opened his eyes to gaze up at her, noting the steady rise and fall of her chest. A small smile found its way to his face as he sat up, careful not to wake her. Chat adjusted her so that she was laying down and pulled the plush comforter up to her chin, knowing how easily she got cold. He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before stepping away. “Chat,” she mumbled before turning over. A lonely cat like him would give anything to see what was held in her pink colored dreams.

It a bad decision to go to the kitchen, but it was a decision he made. Leaving a peaceful Marinette was difficult, but all was necessary in the triumph of empty stomachs. Sure, going into the kitchen without her knowing was one that ended poorly last night, but he didn’t mind not learning from his mistakes. He was being more careful this time, quietly placing one foot in front of the other as he walked the short distance.

He was almost to the cookies before he heard a crash.

In horror, he whipped around to see his tail knock a glass off the table, shattering against the tiled floor. Almost immediately after, a body came flying out of a door. Chat checked to make sure Marinette was still sleeping, finding himself surprised to see her still laying down through her cracked bedroom door. The body, that was awake, however, stood before him. As he glanced at her, he remembered Marinette’s black lace from yesterday and quickly brushed the memory away.

“What the fuck?” The voice said, loud as possible. Chat shushed her, gesturing to where Marinette was sleeping. “What the fuck?” The voice said quieter now, agreeing with Chat to not wake Marinette up. He carefully dropped to the floor, sweeping up the glass into his hand.

His heart raced as he picked up the pieces, finding the situation to be more than unfortunate. Pretending as if the situation wasn’t dire, he dumped the glass into their trashcan before straightening up to look at the girl standing before him. He had no idea if Alya knew that Chat was friends with Marinette, but he was sure she had to know something after years of their midnight hangouts. “Her cookies are good,” He spat, quickly reaching for one across the counter, “The best in Paris.”

“Why’re you here,” Alya harshly whispered, leaning towards him, “In my kitchen. Breaking my glass.” He quietly chuckled, raising both of his hands in defense.

“You see,” he trailed off, unable to figure out an answer that wouldn’t completely out his relationship with Marinette. He absolutely did not want to wake her up though and knowing Marinette to be a light sleeper didn’t make the conversation any easier. “I’m in love with Marinette,” his mouth betrayed him. The two stared at each other, eyes going wide, mouths agape. He was shocked by his own words.

She almost didn’t believe it. “You’re in love with my best friend,” she said. Chat weakly nodded, beginning to nibble on the stolen cookie. He could almost feel Plagg laughing.

“So, you just come into her room every night to watch her sleep? Like _Twilight_? Are you Edward Cullening my girl?”

“ _No_ ,” he shouted, his head snapping back to check on Marinette. She simply rolled over, not acknowledging them at all. Knowing her, if she was hearing this, she’d have reacted already.

“Then what,” Alya asked. Her eyes twinkled, a sly smile on her face, “Does that mean Mari knows your civilian self?”

Chat choked on the cookie. It was his fault for talking to a reporter. “No comment?”

“You actually suck at keeping your identity a secret, Chat Noir.”

“I never cared as much as Ladybug about it,” he shrugged, “But you still don’t know who I am and neither does Marinette.”

She frowned, crossing her arms under her chest. “You know, I won’t try to find out who you are, I promised Marinette forever ago that I wouldn’t,” the smirk broadened, “I guess it makes sense why now.”

But it didn’t make sense. It didn’t make sense to Chat at all, considering Marinette still wanted to know his identity. Was she really trying to protect him? Or protect herself?

In order not to raise suspicions about Marinette, he nodded again. There had to be some truth to the statement, after all.

“So, why’re you here then,” Alya asked, taking a seat on their couch, “Do you actually talk to her? Or do you just sit in her room like a creep.” She remembered Marinette talking about the weirdo in her class earlier, hoping that Chat Noir and Alain were not the same person. It would really kill her Ladyblog to know that Chat was some freak out of costume.

“Unfortunately, dear citizen, I need to go back to my alley.”

“You’re just going to break into my apartment and then leave? Without even talking to me? Tell me you’re in love with _my_ best friend and then not explain yourself?” Alya’s voice was starting to raise, as if it were a threat. She had power over him now, just knowing how he felt about Marinette. To be fair, he was sure Alya already knew about Adrien’s feelings, but this was different. The cat was really out of the bag now.

She had a point, though. He did technically break into their kitchen. Chat sighed and sat down on the floor in front of her, holding his staff in his hands. He twirled it, watching the gentle shine, attempting to keep his eyes busy. Looking at Alya might have killed him. “We talk,” his voice was barely audible, “A lot. Since the incident where her ex-”

“Nate,” she corrected.

“Right. The incident with _Nate_ being akumatized a few years ago. I come when I can’t sleep because she’s usually awake too. The past few days I’ve been coming a lot,” he gestured to the cookies, “Because those are really good.” He tried not to mention the nightmares in an effort not to sound pitiful.

“Mhm.”

“So, Marinette knows you’re here right now?”

“Yeah, I’m the hero of Paris, not some peeking Tom,” Chat scoffed at the accusation. He felt like he was being interrogated. Maybe impulsively telling her that he was in love with Marinette was an even worse decision than the one to sneak into their kitchen. Alya wasn’t much for romance, although she loved Nino, so she wouldn’t let him go purely based off his love story. If anything, that might’ve made him even more of a criminal to her. “Please don’t tell Marinette that you saw me.”

She huffed, eyebrows raising, “Does she not know how you feel?’

“I’ve never told her, because, y’know,” he gestured to himself, “I’m a leather studded hero. If I tell her how much I adore her, it has to be as Ad-” he caught himself. Her eyes narrowed. “My civilian self.”

“Good luck with that,” she laughed, “Marinette has it bad for someone. For years.” It almost felt like Alya didn’t trust him. He knew she loved Ladybug, and she loved him by proxy, but in this moment, it felt like she was protecting something. Chat’s heart clenched at the reminder.

“I know,” he mumbled, “She won’t even tell me who it is.”

“What’re you gonna do? Claw his eyes out?”

He gasped, even though whoever it was, was technically his rival, he wouldn’t hurt him. “No! I just want to know so I can figure out why he hasn’t just asked her out yet,” he nodded, “Marinette deserves to be loved by whoever it is that she wants. I’m not going to get in the way of that.” Unless, he ends up being Luka or Kim or something. For some reason, the idea of it being someone he already knew made everything feel worse.

“He’s just oblivious,” Alya snickered, “He has no idea how she feels.”

“What an idiot,” Chat muttered. Alya nodded.

“Even though I love the kid, he’s absolutely blind,” she paused, “Now, you should let me interview you before I exploit your feelings.”

“Before you _what._ ” His eyes went wide, gasping at her. He started to stand, as if to runaway from the situation he caused before she started to laugh. It was a hard laugh, one that went on forever. She doubled over, clutching her stomach as tears formed in her eyes. Chat didn’t understand what was so funny.

“Chat’s puns aren’t that funny,” Marinette interrupted, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. She was standing at her doorway, clutching the cat plush in her other hand. It was like a child who woke up from a nightmare. His face immediately softened at the sight before he made an inhuman noise, clutching his hand over his mouth.

“Did we wake you up?”

“Alya laughing did,” she shot her a glare. She glanced between them, her eyebrows slowly raising. What were they doing there together? Why was Chat in her living room with Alya? “Wait, what the fuck?”

“That’s what I said,” Alya tried to calm her laughter, “When I saw Chat stealing a cookie.”

“He haunts the apartment,” She muttered. Marinette tiredly plopped down on the couch next to Alya, having no energy left to stand.

“So, why didn’t you tell me,” Alya glanced at Chat Noir, “That a superhero was just hanging out in our apartment regularly?”

Marinette laid her head on her shoulder, hiding a yawn behind her hand before replying, “You’re the official ladyblogger, Alys. What were you gonna do? Chase him down for an interview? Then he’d stop coming over and I’d stop having someone to model my clothes at 3 am.”

Alya frowned. Realistically, she knew that that’s what would’ve happened, but she really wanted her best friend to trust her with something like this. Sure, she doubted anyone knew about it. “Does anyone know?”

“No,” they said in unison. Marinette lifted her head to look at Chat, who merely shrugged. She shook her head before resting her head again.

“You act like I’m dating him,” Marinette giggled, to which Chat frowned. He wished.

Alya smirked, “You could be.”

Marinette elbowed her in the side, making Alya laugh. Chat didn’t like how much Alya knew now, and every word she spoke made him more nervous. “Superheroes can’t date as superheroes,” Marinette laughed more, “That’s like. The biggest danger ever. Shouldn’t you know that?”

“Oh yeah, I do,” Alya nodded, “Which is exactly why I’d yell at you if you were.” Alya glanced at Chat again, as if trying to communicate something with him. “No girl of mine is going to be the love interest to a sidekick.”

Chat Noir gasped, bringing his hands up to his face, “I’m not a sidekick!”

“Ladybug needs him,” Marinette agreed, “There’s no Ladybug without Chat Noir.”

Alya rolled her eyes and huffed, “You’re only saying that because you’re a huge Chat Noir fan. It makes more sense now than it used to.”

Chat smirked over at Marinette while wagging a finger at her. “If I knew you were such a big fan, maybe I would’ve signed you something. I could’ve even signed your-”

“Don’t,” Marinette warned him not to finish his sentence before immediately standing up and walking over to the kitchen, ignoring the two pairs of eyes that were on her. She prepared a glass of water and took long sips of it as the three of them sat in silence. Finally, with slight aggression, she slammed the glass down on the table and turned to look at the two of them. With great confidence, she began, “I’m only a fan of one person, and one person only. I think Chat is a good superhero, but the fanatic in me only has room for one person. One lovely person who I’m going to-”

“Get a hamster with and have two kids who’re going to be awed by your amazing love story that hasn’t even happened yet. We know, girl,” Alya continued her statement, snickered. Marinette frowned, disliking the fact that her monologue was cut off. Chat tilted his head, and quickly looked between the two of them. Was there something he was missing? He didn’t even know who they were talking about, which annoyed him more. Was this about the guy she liked?

“Who’re you a fan of that’s not me?” He scoffed at such a ridiculous idea.

“It’s,” Alya went to speak, immediately cut off by a loud beeping noise from Marinette. She frantically waved her hands, shaking her head. For whatever reason that Chat still didn’t understand, Marinette didn’t want Chat to know. Alya and Chat both pouted. “Why can’t I tell him who it is?”

“I’m scared of being outed. What if Chat ends up being his long-lost brother? What if he’s his rival? What if they grew up together and they were estranged, and me mentioning him causes a series of events that leads to both of our downfalls?”

“Like an anime? You think the person you’re a fan of is somehow going to be someone I feel strongly about? Or like, I don’t know. I really don’t know how you’re expecting this much,” he laughed. There would always be apart of him who hoped he was who she was in love with, even if it was his civilian self. When he was younger, he felt like Chat was the only way he was able to express himself freely, so Marinette liking Adrien and not Chat would’ve hurt. Over the years, and after leaving his Father’s home, he began to feel more at ease as Adrien. Adrien became someone he’d want Marinette to date. It took a long time, but he was beginning to feel like he was true to who he was as both his civilian self and his alter ego.

“I’m so paranoid about it,” Marinette groaned before drinking the last of her water. This time, she held the glass in her hand, rubbing the cool sides of it. “I really shouldn’t be.” She was making excuses at this point, not wanting Chat to know how she had feelings for. It felt weird talking to him about it. She often wondered if she had feelings for Chat, and deep down she knew she did, she refused to dwell on the thought. Unless she knew who Chat really was, Marinette couldn’t let anything happen. It would be unfair to him because of her identity as Ladybug.

Sometimes, when she was particularly down about Adrien, she thought about dating Chat. She felt like she could love him too. The thought made her feel guilty, feeling like she was betraying her years old crush on Adrien. All the feelings she harbored for her partner in justice, she pushed down deep.

Alya turned to stare at Chat, her eyes narrowing. “He does kind of look like him.”

Marinette toyed with the idea, her nose scrunching up. “Like long lost brothers. Chat’s too goofy, I think. I dunno, I used to think they were absolutely nothing alike and hated the comparison you used to make.”

“I recall,” Alya said.

“But, after spending more time with them both,” Marinette stared at Chat, “I can see the resemblance.”

Chat froze, unsure of who to look at or how to process the information. Was he being compared to the person Marinette was a fan of? The person she was in love with? He didn’t understand why, seeing as he didn’t know who, and he wasn’t sure to be happy or unhappy about the comparison. His cheeks began to redden.

“What?” Chat squeaked.

Alya ignored him, “Do you think?” He didn’t like the way he was being spoken about as if he wasn’t here, especially after Alya said she wouldn’t try to figure out his identity.

“No,” Marinette sadly shook her head, “There’s no way. I can’t picture him…” She trailed off, glancing at Chat. “I don’t think he sees me as much more than a very good friend. Besides, I bet he goes to sleep early. Gotta stay pretty somehow,” she giggled, but it didn’t feel as happy as normal. Her face dropped as she put the glass into the sink, “I doubt he thinks about me very much.”

Mari,” Alya sighed, furrowing thick eyebrows, “You don’t know that.”

“He’s too good for me, Alya,” Marinette smiled slightly, although it was fond, it was still sad. She felt distant from them.

“Nobody is,” Chat interrupted. His heart hurt, just hearing her talk about this. It hurt for her self worth and it hurt for his own broken heart. The two girls looked at him, as if he interrupted something secretive. Marinette nervously laughed, waving her hand around.

“Sorry,” She said, “I shouldn’t have started talking about this.”

Alya’s frown deepened and she opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“I have a headache, so, so I’m gonna go to bed,” she gave them an overtly enthusiastic thumbs up before walking to her bedroom door. Chat wondered how much she thought about this. She shut the door on the two of them, leaving them alone.

“It’s been getting worse lately,” Alya muttered, staring at Marinette’s door with a blank expression, “I think she’s been really depressed. I don’t know what’s gotten her so stressed out, but I don’t think she’s handling it well. And whenever she talks about him, she gets the saddest look on her face. It feels like she’s giving up.”

“Depressed?” Chat asked, watching Alya’s expression. Before, it felt like Alya was purposely telling him as little information as possible. But now, as if Chat being present for their conversation made him apart of the situation, she was telling him more than Marinette ever did. He didn’t want to be nosy, but he leaned in, absorbing everything Alya was telling him about the love of his life. Curiosity absolutely killed the Chat Noir.

“She holds onto everything that happens, but I guess nobody can really wait forever. It’s kinda just making her sad. She loves romance, but like, being in love with that guy is kind of keeping her from doing anything with anyone else. Whenever she tries, she’s just not really into it,” She took a breath before continuing.

“She feels guilty about it too, like nobody deserves to date someone who’s hung up on someone else. But, the saddest thing is I know he loves her too, but he doesn’t think she feels the same way. I can’t tell her that either,” she sighed, “Because my boyfriend would kill me.”

Nino? Chat frowned at the mention of his own best friend, not understanding why Nino would know about this and not himself. As his best friend, Nino would have told him who it was or what was going on. Nino knew how he felt, hell, Nino _encouraged_ him to ask out Marinette. He felt like there was a simple answer to the puzzle, but he was having a hard time piecing together everything. It was really more of a 1,000 word puzzle that he was trying to solve after dropping all the pieces.

“So, why doesn’t anyone tell him to just go for it?”

"Oh, Jesus Christ, Chat,” Alya snickered, shaking her head, “You have no idea. Anyway,” she rose from the couch, pretending she was holding a microphone in her hand and gestured it out to him, “Interview? You, me, and my entire blog following. What do you say?”

“Look at the time,” he laughed, despite the ache in his chest, “It appears that I have to go save Paris.” He quickly got up, walking towards Marinette’s door to leave through her window.

Alya checked her phone and huffed, “There’s no akuma alerts, you filthy liar.”

“Just how I like it,” Chat gave her a signature grin before easing Marinette’s door shut behind him, sealing Alya off in the living room. He leaned against the white wood of the door, watching Marinette sleep. The comparison of Edward Cullen ran through his head, making him shiver. He was not some old vampire that watched teenage girls sleep. He also couldn’t read minds, which would’ve been cool right now.

He wondered if Marinette had any idea that he was Adrien, or how she’d feel about it if she found out. Would she be happy about it? He was thrilled at the idea of her being Ladybug, at least. Chat began to walk towards her, moving as carefully as possible. Did she know he loved her? Did he know who she loved? He frowned, thinking about it. How did everyone he was close to know about her situation with this guy besides him? Were his friends keeping him from it?

It felt like everyone knew who Marinette was in love with, but he had no idea. Did Marinette not trust Adrien enough to tell him about it? Sure, he never asked because the idea of knowing made him want to vomit, but he wanted to help her be happy. If she had felt more depressed lately, he wanted to do whatever he could to fix that. He glanced at the bottle of wine on her floor and sighed. What if it was Luka? He, and everyone else, knew Luka was in love with her. But he didn’t know how Marinette felt… His heart clenched.

A leather covered glove gently brushed her bangs away from her forehead before kissing her forehead for the second time that night. He let his lips linger, his eyes closed tightly. “Drive safe,” she muttered. He stifled his laughter, pulling away from her to make sure she couldn’t hear. Chat wondered what she was dreaming about, or if she was awake enough, why she thought he’d be driving home.

“I will,” he whispered, a smile still on his face. She weakly nodded before turning over on the bed.

“By the way,” she muttered, “What’s your favorite color.”

“Green.”

“Oh,” Marinette sighed into her pillow, “I knew that. Same favorite color.”

“Who?” he blinked at her, but there was no reply. He waited until he was tired of standing before deciding that she would never answer. The only sound left was her soft breathing as he left her apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i promise the entire story won't just be this weird angsty whining. marinette's just kind of depressed right now, its okay. tell her you hope she feels better. we'll get to the more fun stuff eventually, don't worry hehehehe. Also thank you guys for reading and leaving kudos!! it makes me so ungodly happy aw I appreciate all of you


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